Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Good Shepard Rules.

If you do get that once in a lifetime opportunity to prattle on with Our Lord Jesus at a party, there are a few things you will need to keep in mind in order to walk away with a pleasant experience.

1. Don't take his photo, he turns into a cloud of glitter immediately after. This tends to be a crowd pleaser at first but, quickly leads to melancholy party guests. Everyone walks around and asks "Did you hear?... Jesus died... yeah he burst into glitter, gone just like that."

2. No fast moves. When he gets scared he nimbly flutters away like a fawn in the forest.

3. Don't offer him any red wine, he'll start sobbing and lock himself in the bathroom for hours.

4. Do not lend him your lighter or cell phone. He will not give it back even when you ask nicely.

5. Do not ask him about his dating life, especially Christina, do not get him started on Christina. It will be hours of listening to him complain about Christina and her new boyfriend, about how hard being single is, it's an absolute bore to sit through.

6. Don't offer him a ride home or give him one if he asks. He's terrible at directions, you'll be driving around all night. I kinda think he's homeless or just couch surfs.

7. Don't talk about dinosaurs.

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