Thursday, February 26, 2009

Visual Obstacles.

Who had the bright idea to sit this woman in the front. No matter how important she is you have to know how many people you are upsetting that have to sit behind her. It's not like you had no idea she would show up with a large crazy hat. Obviously it's not her first time wearing a large crazy hat nor is it the only one she owns.
I don't care how much you love Isabella Blow. She pulled it off flawlessly, and it only worked for her. That is just not working for you especially not with this red coat with black hearts applied on with electrical tape.
I think I may understand now, the person who put her in the front, put all the people they hate in the seats behind her.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


You know you have found "the one" when you have subconscious coordination to light each others cigarette with out even looking. What looks like rehearsed synchronized performance art is actually a involuntary reaction or a conditioned courtesy.

Monday, February 23, 2009


Thanks for bringing the crazy person that bores everyone with her silly stories about meeting famous people that died before she was born...

touches and eats a bite of all the food...

And gets furious when her boyfriend forgets to call.

Thank you because this person makes us all feel completely normal and incredibly functional.


Oh I'm sorry is this party boring you? Are the people that "dull" that you needed to bring your knitting to the party? Maybe you should have stayed home if you're knitting project seemed to be more interesting than the party. Maybe you just need to get your knitting project done in a hurry? Maybe you just brought your knitting project so that people think you are interesting and not boring.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Case Closed

In the past I have lost a great many of things. I have lost scarves, film, gloves, sunglasses, money, people, pieces of paper with important information on them, compact discs, drinks, cigarettes, socks, keys, dignity, and many a bobby pins. Most of the time it is after a night of consuming alcohol which, I could never blame for my loses. I have finally found the one who is responsible for it all. All of the belongings anyone has ever lost, he's like the stolen articles fairy. Lurking at every party and bar awaiting for your things to be left unattended for even the slightest of a second.
Sneaky little bastard.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Setting a good example

Here is another one of those bring your little sibling to the party scenarios. Unfortunately it seems that this girl is finding out that when her older sister drinks she becomes unheeding like when their mom drinks. That's when the party doesn't seem as fun anymore.


Looks like some one is a very big fan of the Blue Man Group.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Scouting for the perfect intern.

I always joke about hiring interns and how I had to fire the last ones because they showed up to work sober. This guy however could show up sober as my intern. I would not have him be my intern though, this guy would be hired on as my butler for a year and work his way up into the position of right hand man. Almost like having someone represent you. If I could not make it to an event I'd send this guy for me. He would always wear a suit and bow tie like this as well. And when you're feeling blue he'd suggest a hot air balloon ride and just when you're all settled in that wicker basket thing awaiting take off you think "BLAST! I forgot a flask!" Guess who pulls a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue out of his inside coat pocket.
"Ahhhh..... that was close Mr. Smigglesworth, I sure am glad I hired you!"

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Unconventional Justice Fan

Whuuaaa??? Since when do Justice fans look like the Captain of the Junior football team? Now that's a bit odd isn't it. Even the guy behind him in the hat looks a little too duderific for a Justice kind of crowd. But the guy squinting from the light in the glasses must be his one dorky friend that introduced him to Justice. Good for him. He doesn't care what all his jock friends think. He likes Justice and if he likes it then all his friends will eventually start to like it once the bands' hype begins to diminish.

Here we go, the typical Justice fan. Kinda pale, kinda emo, kinda euro, kinda high, kinda androgynous, kinda dancey, and kinda full of them self. The kind of person you kinda wish would spend his daddy's money on something a little more reasonable than exspensive haircuts and 80's looking Nike's.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Dear American Apparel,

Look at what you've done. Everyone that decides to invest in your clothing looks like they are going to time travel back to 1980 to exercise. People in 1980 only wore this kind of clothing when they worked out, they never thought it was fashionable to wear it to a party. These kids think they are making a statement. What the statement is I do not know. That people should have exercised in the 80's more? The clothing their wearing is so bright they need shades? Wearing red underwear over silver leggings with high heels is a political statement on the war?

Dear American Apparel,

Knock it off.


I didn't know Anthony Michael Hall had a kid?
I don't think he knows he's Anthony Michael Hall's kid yet?

Allan Cumming had a child? I thought he was gay?

Day Glo

Day- Glo paint was invented by the Switzer Brothers in the 1940's. Robert Swizter had been messing around with fluorescent minerals in a dark room and came across fluorescent color. He sold the substance to magicians to assist in creating illusions. Also later it was utilized for safety reasons, you will often see construction workers in bright orange vests. This girl is wearing Day-Glo on her face, nails and weaved through out her apparel. There is no illusion, she is obviously not wearing Day-Glo to prevent disasters or to be safe in any way.
She's just messing around with minerals.
Take a look at your fine invention hard at work now Switzer Brothers.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy St. Valentines Day.

Ahhh Reeboks. My favorite tennis shoe.
Though campy, their endearing.

Friday, February 13, 2009


I'm a heavy drinker and smoker and used to be a ballet student for a good part of my life. So when I get the opportunity to dance I over do it and get so worked up. I dance out all those years of a strict discipline outta my little heart. I love it, it's great but I'm not used to exercise so when I decide to take a break from cutt'in a rug I look like this guy. Breathing heavily with a beat red face and some stupid satisfactory grin on my face. And also like this guy, even if there is some attractive person of the opposite sex standing next to me, who obviously is handing out attention, I don't bother. Dancing is world.

(last statement has absolutely NO reference to the genre of world music)


It makes me wonder if they have just a slight denial thing going on the way they look so ecstatic.
This is what I can imagine hearing.
"It was sooo funny, we had sooo much to drink at the hotel bar and then we got this crazy idea to go swimming and then we got matching ring tattoos. It was sooo hilarious because the next day we had totally forgotten about it."
"We looked into how much it was to get them removed and we're like, no it'll be a funny story to tell our friends haha ha" (Sigh.)

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Awwww, look a fan of the Cobrasnake. He looks so dreamy eyed and sincere about loving the Cobrasnake. That's fantastic that his dream finally came true of getting his photo taken and being on the Cobrasnake site. He'll remember this forever. As his friend yells "ohhhhhh naw you didn't!!!!!! BOO YAh Bro!" And completely destroys the moment.

Complex and the City

It's always a little funny and sad when you see a group of girls who are dying to be the characters from Sex and the City. And you know that there is always the one walking in the middle of the group who wants to be Carrie. She wears ridiculous shit and talks too much. The rest of the friends know which character they are or which character they would most resonate with but, they don't care. The rest of the friends have way better things to worry about than comparing themselves to a character from a television show. They have things to worry about like; hangovers, eating disorders, falling asleep while walking, arthritis, and wearing so much black as a group that you look like the characters from the movie The Craft.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Addicted to Love

"Go ahead have a sip, the water is fine, no, I was not in the addicted to love video but, my creator was, go ahead have a sip of the water, taste its' suspiciously syrupy goodness"