Friday, February 26, 2010


Dude, your car is right where you left it.

Thursday, February 25, 2010


Alright so you got some guy all steamed up about Talking heads post Brian Eno and now there's no way out. The best thing to do in this situation is to just back down and tell him he's right about everything even about mayonnaise being better than miracle whip, get out of there, go order up yourself a Pablo Escabar at the bar and move on.
If there's no patience in an argument, what's the point?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Espionage is so voyeuristicly neat! Honestly, I never got my hands on a spy kit when I was a child but, if I would have I bet I would be a lot less flustered about occupational pursuits. The only drawback would be all those boring nuclear weapon seminars you have to go to.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Full of hot air.

The arrogance level on guys who go tanning is worse than people who know too much about wine.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


We all have these moments in our life where we look around and wonder how we got there and say to ourselves
"this permanent hangover situation is no where near what I had planned".
At points in life like this it's best to use the Pollyanna strategy and play the Glad Game. What's the Glad Game? The Glad Game consists of finding something to be glad about in every situation.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


A human test pattern is not a bad idea in theory. Almost like a super hero that swoops in calibrating and aligning social interactions all over the world. Wiping the slate clean of partisans, faux pas and awkwardness. The down side is like the television test pattern the human test pattern would also most likely make that stressful frequency tone.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


I. love. Dinosaur impressions.

Monday, February 15, 2010


It's interesting how much higher our sympathy levels are when you see that this guy finally found a way to get to the party and dance with the girl at the end of the movie that was made in 1987 . When you see this in real life the character development is absent so all you can think about is how pretentious geeks can be.

Friday, February 12, 2010


When I was growing up I was occasionally picked on for having red hair. Out of all of the nick -names for red heads the one I found the most distasteful was fire crotch.
Mostly because I never quite understood it, fire is not really red in color. Fire is a series of yellows and oranges. Also, if my crotch, or "carpet", were to have the appearance of fire
wouldn't my "drapes" look like this?

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Coat checks at first can sometimes make you feel more nervous about abandoning your coat than it would be a hassle to have to carry it around all night. What would be incredibly taxing is when the coat check attendant is so alarmed by your misproportioned attire and awful taste that it physically overwhelms her.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


Look junior were not saying you have to leave, we're just saying loose the tude and kill the whole coke dealing George Clooney act. You're making everyone feel like their at a Scientologist convention.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


In the French academic dress system Redcurrant, which is a very red shade of pink, is the distinctive color for Medicine. Though, according to the United States Bureau of Academic Costume pink represented music as your field of study.
Pish posh, in the end we're all animals even Mary Kay and her splashy Cadillac.

Monday, February 8, 2010


Van owners with out children are a proud breed. Who can blame them, they've been on more impromptu road trips and late night excursions than all those lousy sedan owners. There's a sort of social advantage to having a living room in your transportation vehicle and only certain people are fit for the kind of social responsibilities that taking on owning a van entails. You have to be rogue and ready, like maps, believe in superstitions, not mind clutter, and always only wear one earring.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Heard any good jokes lately?

Paul Reubens has inspired millions. Pee-wee Herman had a successful television career and has even contributed to the silver screen. In 1984 Pee-wee Herman sold out Carnegie Hall, he's won 22 Emmy awards and received the Harvard Lampoon's Elmer Award for lifetime achievement in comedy in 1985. He's an icon. Unfortunately, while this person was inspired by Pee-wee Herman they also wanted to shamelessly be sure we don't forget about his indecent exposure arrest.