Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Friendship bracelets, locker posters, Trapper Keeper's and Caboodles. Now days I'm sure it's a different agenda but, that's what it was all about having a best friend in Jr. High. You like all the same things, you go everywhere together and it's soooooo awesome! You're always together and you dress the same and use the same slamm'in jargon. If you look enough alike It's almost like having mirror everywhere you go. Except if one of you has braces you have to factor that into the image.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Brickwall bromancing boy band time!

What's this? What is this? How did these four mystically end up against a brick wall in some sort of unrehearsed boy band pose? Each one of them looks as if they were from a completely separate boy band. The two in the middle kind of correlate on their meaningless white homeboy spoof. On the right end we've got the sort of sense of humor but creepily sensitive guy.
Then we've got Nickelodeon on the left looking like the understudy for Steve on BluesClues. What a great flock of caricatures, I would be as patient as a pea to see the VH1 behind the music on this one.

Friday, June 26, 2009


Having a few extra inches of height can be nice if you're a
"I want to intimidate everyone" kind of guy. It's when you find yourself in the company of chandeliers that maybe you should consider utilizing your height for good. A career with the traveling medicine show would be a great way to see the countryside or
go novelty and be the super jolly guy everywhere you go, pick people up and give them airplane rides. Wear neat outfits,
shirt and pants all one color with a bow tie. Tell people the weather forecast, help cats and kites get down from trees.
Embrace the height, don't spite!

Thursday, June 25, 2009


Can we throw this in with the same jalopy of t-shirts made that have the tuxedo printed on them, or the hot body in bikini, the skeleton, the bulging muscles, the three cats in front and three cats asses on the back. The t-shirts that you see flocks of in rural trailer park areas. The T-shirts that match all the other crap you can buy at Spencer Gifts.
Can we just go ahead and dismiss this guys shirt in with those.
It's even got that same shitty plastic printing gloss to it that all the others do.
Unless that's a spill stain, "hey funny tie guy, you spilled on your tie you might want to take your funny tie off... oh wait".

Here is a small list of links of some of the most extreme T-shirts out there, the first two I actually had previously bookmarked, they were just begging me to shine a little light on them.

1. Cuteness

2. Mysterious

3.The t-shirts mentioned in post above

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


When Samuel L. Jackson says "Tell that bitch to be cool" in Pulp Fiction
and Tim Roth says "Be cool honey bunny", this is what they had in mind.
Two delightful denim baskets full of neat awesomeness.

Squandered youth.

Young spry kids who can make forts make me envious. All day you have to go to boring old school where you get to learn about things like; gravity (the trial and error way), hopscotch, what's on the inside of a frog, how to put an egg in a 2 liter soda bottle and be able to drop it from real high with out breaking the egg, how to make a pencil look like it's rubber, and lost and found items.
Sounds rough. I miss making forts and running around with friends on my bicycle coming up with ideas that seem awesome today. Like trick or treating in July for candy! Genius! Until you find out people don't stock up on candy in the middle of July.
Now these days kids are playing a bunch of video games and their fort building skills are awful and unimaginative; lack of detail and passion.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Yawn Dance

When being too tired is too cool.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


There are two things that fascinate me most in life, and before listing them let me preface by disclosing when I say fascinate, I mean they surprise me in good ways and bad. The two things that continually seem to surprise me are hate and technology.
Theses two things are not parallel in advancement.
They just both seem to find a way to sneak up and surprise me out of now where.
I think this guy knows what I'm talking about as he is just finding out his mom is a dominatrix from a friend's "dominatrix of the week" cell phone app.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


Ruh roh. Looks like someone got hit by the dead beat dad, dirty money, Milwaukee's beast, creepy uncle, molestache, golf hustler, pawn shop owner, pleather train. How unfortunate.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Call of the open road.

I have not been on many road trips myself, especially the fun kind. Usually it's to Nebraska to attend a wedding or some ungodly thing. When I do go on my fun road trip I'm coming back with stories! Stories about bandits, remote motels, lunch with the guy who was the original voice of Pop-eye, the desert, and maybe, just maybe a story about a rural gas station owner who's customer gambles on his life over a coin toss, friend-o.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Useasonably Coy.

Shy people bother me to no end. I feel so idiotic when I'm around them because instead of reacting or getting involved in a conversation in any way they just sit and stare at you, and then you think that they are severely judging you. There's no way of knowing what they're thinking either. It could be anything with that blank stare that's just piercing out of them and at you.
If you haven't gotten it together yet to get out and say some stuff and see if people take to it, your fault, you had all of grade school to play with that trial and error experiment.
It's part of globalization, it's what makes Seinfeld funny!
We all had to do it, what happened to you?
Home schooled you say? Too bad, do some drugs and catch up. I have no sympathy for the terribly shy and excruciatingly timid. I'm starting to feel like a scolding mother.

"Don't you get all introverted on me young lady"

Thursday, June 11, 2009


"I know but, he's so cute and I haven't been laid in like, forever. Oh my god so I totally did a couple of lines with him in the bathroom, he told me all about his stereo equipment. Did I tell you he's got a Lamborghini? Oh, that reminds me would you mind catching the bus home tonight? I'd give you a ride but, I'm absolutely smashed. Man, I love this party. Don't you just love this party? I love this party."

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Eazy & Breezy.

I would pay $2 more on my bus fare if I could rely on these two to be on the bus every time. With them being so calm and affable looking you could just forget about all the small stresses of public transportation and just unwind. I need these guys on every transportation experience I have, it'd feel like a guarantee you'd never get into an accident.
Especially with Ms. Magic-super-duper-fantastic-protecting my eyes from the sun sunglasses lady, you know she's got good luck on her side.
That would make for a total of $4.25 bus fare, would that qualify them as paid interns?

Monday, June 8, 2009

Small Spaces.

You may be feeling great and looking sharp but, there's something about attending a party in a nasal cavity that can really put a damper on the night.

Friday, June 5, 2009

The Third Wheel.

OOOOOhhhh how so many of us have been there and OOOOOhhh how absolutely awful it can be. Nothing like feeling that you are matchless. Of course, it's not always bad the night could be a blast and a great time dillydallying with pals.
It's when the sexual tension peaks and spills over, that's when things kinda get weird and you start asking yourself strange questions like... "If I never marry should I enter into organized crime?", "How am I going to stop myself from aquiring too many pets to fill the void", or the sooner answered "I wonder if that person will sleep with me?"

Thursday, June 4, 2009


Something to keep in mind if you were a figure skater at one time,
not everyone was.


Please don't say she paid a man $5 to teach her how to use her own phone.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Be Merry.

That's right, put on your best Jeremy Scott piece and hit the town.
Go party where sailors party.
Drink champagne instead of the ole' Screwdriver standby.
Get tossed and dance because it's Wednesday.

The woman behind her saying
"Yes, that's right, she's getting down with it tonight"

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Blending in is not easy no matter what you wear. Even if you think you've found the perfect outfit to match the wall so that no one sees you. You are still going to stick out when you go to retrieve top secret information about tattoo removal.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Worked up.

I could write a sanguinary essay on people and their obsessions with horses, specifically adolescent girls. You know the girls from high school who wore their hair in either a pony tail or french braids and wore updated puritan looking clothing. I understand that horses are very mystical creatures and they were are a significant animal in the history of our land's cultivation . There's just something a little eerie when some one has obviously spent too much time with their horse, they become a little unkempt and communication with other humans becomes inaccurate. Like when your friend lost their job and thought that they could get to the bottom of the 9/11 conspiracy theory so, leaving the house for them became an "emergency only" activity.