Thursday, December 2, 2010

It's true superheros live among us. You'd think they'd be these kind of nerdy office mail room guys. How wrong you are. The real superheros are totally radical youngsters with nothing to do but, stick it to the man!

Friday, November 19, 2010


The only way of apologizing to your roommate for forgetting to unlock the door and all of your stuff got robbed is to buy them a big screen television. Instant forgiveness.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Go Your Own Way

If you think you can leave the house sporting Stevie Nicks sleeves then I better hear a banging version of "Rhiannon" at some point in the night.

Monday, November 8, 2010


Usually I'd make fun of this picture but, first off I have a friend that looks just like that guy, sans the curly hair. Second, the face the woman is making is one that I have made and have been told many times that if I don't stop making it my face is going to be stuck like that forever. I have photo baggage. 

Friday, November 5, 2010


Just in case your radar is off these guys are the bag of awesome that will save your life from that flock of post punk crunchies that will bombard you with their D.I.Y. ideas.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

No Help

Yeah, because that's exactly what we need right now.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

New low

Gentrification of hipsters taking over rough neighborhoods is one thing but, completely invading homeless territory is just ruthless.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


I wonder if Kathy Griffin would have calmed down and taken the nerd scenster route if things would have panned out better. More Sean Lennon, less Andy Dick.

Monday, November 1, 2010


Usually when someone says you have a "horse sense" it means you exhibit a quality of practical judgment. Something seems paradoxical here.

Friday, October 29, 2010


Speaking of burritos. If you absolutley have to dress as something sexy for Halloween have some dignity and please choose food.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


Well how would you feel if you just found out you paid too much money for shiny blue vinyl that makes you resemble a blueberry flavored burrito?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

After seeing this tattoo, "If I Could Turn Back Time" will forever have very a serious message.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

a.k.a. the fox

This is it right here. When everyone is sitting on the kitchen floor playing Duck duck gray duck (or Duck duck goose as you Californians would say) you know you've thrown the most smashing party of the year.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Not only does wearing a tie tell people that you're a smart dressed professional, not wearing a shirt and only wearing a tie tells people you're really into creepy drugs.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The twist.

I'm telling you, these old dusty dance halls are next on the list for hit parties. Unless you'd rather stick to the whole white everything decor with crappy fast trancey music.
Your call.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


Escaping the dopey looking kid staring at you all night is quite a feat but, keeping the image of that mushy face from popping into your head all night is the real trick.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Tragically adorable people like her are what make you believe in things like the honor system, kindness to strangers, and good omens. As if the world were good place when people dress cute.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Cat Fancy.

Well meeow, looks like someone let the cat out of the bag.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


12 year girls often wear this type of shirts and you think "that's a stupid shirt".
When this guy wears a shirt like this you think "Ha ha ha ha, wow, that's a funny t-shirt."

Reminds me of Jeff Goldblum wearing a t-shirt that says "I'm a pepper" in Life Aquatic.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


CUTE COUPLE ALERT! How fun would it be to go to their dinner parties and watch them bicker over what goes better in a quiche.

Monday, August 16, 2010


It's always a little frustrating seeing Amish people use items like a cell phone, or a car, and other electronic modern devices. It's sending the world one huge mixed message. Unless their still experiencing Rumspringa, if that's the case at least just on board with trying non-Amish clothing.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


Hey kid, Old Navy called, they want you to throw out your t-shirt they sold your older brother in 2001. It was only supposed to stay intact til 2003.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Horse Feathers.

Well butter my butt and call me biscuit, why so blue Slim? Feel'in half seas over? Everything in your life toss'in like a bag of nails? Someone in your life being a addle-pot? All them city folk got you running a bee in you bonnet? Don't hang fire Hi ho silver!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Code for intercourse here is "Yeah, I sure made an Evlis and Twiggy sandwich out of him".

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Slip slaps.

I bought a pair of flip flops once to wear around the house, I had always despised them but, wanted to give them another chance. I threw them out two days later.
I'm still trying to figure out why people wear them outdoors let alone wear them at all. Feet are the foundation of your body and very valuable. Don't disrespect them by letting them get all filthy and unsupported by a lousy thing made of some weird foam and plastic.

Monday, August 2, 2010


If you ask me Dolly Parton is a spectacular role model. She's saucy, home-towny, with a little bit of feminism thrown in. She knows how to have a good time and keep you from feeling blue.
Which is way more than I can say for Bummer Barbie.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


"Hey Kevin, dude, your dad's on the phone, he wants to know if you want him to pick you up some more Gogurt"

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Listening to people like this talk about their art is boring.

Friday, July 23, 2010


Mimes should definitely travel in packs, it makes so much sense. We should have gotten that hint from the mime looking baseball player gang in Warriors.

Thursday, July 22, 2010


I highly recommend every young adult to have a friend they can graze around the mall with making fun of people, mixing vodka in with Orange Julius and talking about how parents just don't understand.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


I wonder what Andy Dick's therapy bill looks like. I bet he goes to a sliding scale clinic.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Sometimes it's kind of fun to have those gimmicky/novelty types around at a party to make everyone laugh with the weird character they created. It's just really really unfortunate when instead of being funny they're not funny, watch that party go sour so fast.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


I think getting my kitten, Dr. Science, declawed was one of the smartest decisions I've made in a while.

Monday, July 12, 2010


I like being inspired by science, especially when it comes to cocktails. Finding out whiskey and root beer are a fabulous combination and a terrific American summer cocktail. Or my old signature cocktail the "Kelseya go-go" which includes whiskey, grapefruit juice, and a lime slice.

Friday, July 9, 2010


Gasp! .....
If I remember correctly my friend Tony and I were literally in tears when we found out they were discontinuing Lucky Strike filters in the United States. It was the classic stages of grievance.
1. Denial. We didn't believe the rumors.
2. Pain. This was when we started crying.
3. Anger. This involved a lot of alcohol.
4. Depression. Buying Camels.
5. The Upward Turn. Finding out there was stock at stores left in the outer city limits.
6. Reconstruction. Smoking through our large supply.
7. Acceptance. Smoking Camels again.

So...hand em' over lady. LSMFT.

Thursday, July 8, 2010


I'm trying to decipher what it worse, collecting mini beard braids or Beanie Babies? Neither have the turnaround profit. Wait, I'm starting to think that a mini beard braids just might sell for more than a Beanie Babies on Ebay? Huh... well, in that case mini beard braid collecting is not as bad as Beanie Baby collecting.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


Instead of the traditional Cobrasnake photo and commentary on human decorum and behavior, I've decided to just post this. It's absurd and bizarre. The wardrobe complications of the device are obvious. It's hilarity speaks for itself.

Friday, July 2, 2010


It's simple math: two hands, two drinks. I couldn't have put it better myself.

Thursday, July 1, 2010


Alright, so this guy might be really fascinating or whatever but, can you imagine having one of those hungover epiphany mornings and this is the first thing you see? Talk about a frightening sociological dilemma to have that early in the day. Terribly alarming.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010


Did you ever have that bad dream where you realize you accidentally went to school with all your clothes on? How embarrassing.

Monday, June 28, 2010


The rise and fall of Carrot Top's career is what us redheads like to refer to as the "dark ages", kind of like how Bush made Americans look bad. Through out history there have been famous redheads that have left us with a rusty reputation. The typically orphaned and klutzy characteristics are what makes us all look like unwanted dimwits. Some of these examples redheads include; I love Lucy, Orphan Annie, Pipi Longsticking, or Chucky (Rugrats). It's brave soles like Molly Ringwald, Madeline Kahn, and Conan 'O Brien that have been able to advance the redheads into a positive light.
Those poor Carrot Top look-a-likes. It's a good thing Shaun White came along to help lessen that burden.

Pssst: Marylin Monroe was born a redhead.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Bra's are so old fashioned. Belts are the new support. Great for the office.

*It is no joke the title of this post is a synonym for belt.

Monday, June 14, 2010


Do you ever find yourself contemplating questions like "Are we the smartest animal on earth?" or "Is human civility somehow reversing itself?" and the more common "What's wrong with people today?". Evidence of the answers to these questions can be found all around us, it's just that none of it is scientific enough to get the hard facts.

Friday, June 11, 2010


Here's another Rainbow Bright impersonator. I'm starting to think this is something bigger than I actually imagine, like the whole Elvis thing. What's that about anyway? If Elvis was still alive don't you think he would have stopped his daughter from marrying Michael Jackson?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Oh grand, what's his sunburn, showed up to the gallery show. It must have been a long drive from the cul-de-sac village you hail from. Good thing you brought your flashy new hand jive, don't forget to get too loaded and hit on a bunch of girls inappropriately before you drive home!

*note: sunburns are not comedic material.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


There is a great many things I don't not know about truelove. However, I've heard that 3 tablets of ecstasy will get you pretty damn close.

Monday, June 7, 2010


So wait, are kids actually idolizing the trio from the movie Superbad? I thought it just a comedic movie about the values of friendship? I had no idea it was an iconic thing. Bizzaro Superbad.

Thursday, June 3, 2010


If your name is Biff and you're living in the phi kappa phi house and blowing freshman's minds with your "art" of beer can sculpture, bravo. I'm not buying anything as talent outside of that setting.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


Looking like an over sized deformed Werther's Original may not be the best to attract the girl next door. You can however guarantee 84 year old Ms. Abner across the street will be tickled pink with you.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


Some people love love love PBR tall boys, some people prefer a Delerium Tremens.
I'm with this guy, it's just that all those PBR dogwater beers are so (sigh) booooring.

On the topic of alcohol, this looks amazing. Would love to make my favorite standby greyhound with Absolute Brooklyn.

Friday, May 28, 2010


My god, can we make it a law that only people with the appropriate character and decorum can wink at others.