Ruddy.

Oh grand, what's his sunburn, showed up to the gallery show. It must have been a long drive from the cul-de-sac village you hail from. Good thing you brought your flashy new hand jive, don't forget to get too loaded and hit on a bunch of girls inappropriately before you drive home!


*note: sunburns are not comedic material.

Peity.

There is a great many things I don't not know about truelove. However, I've heard that 3 tablets of ecstasy will get you pretty damn close.

Heterodox.

So wait, are kids actually idolizing the trio from the movie Superbad? I thought it just a comedic movie about the values of friendship? I had no idea it was an iconic thing. Bizzaro Superbad.

Agglomerate.

If your name is Biff and you're living in the phi kappa phi house and blowing freshman's minds with your "art" of beer can sculpture, bravo. I'm not buying anything as talent outside of that setting.

Confect.

Looking like an over sized deformed Werther's Original may not be the best to attract the girl next door. You can however guarantee 84 year old Ms. Abner across the street will be tickled pink with you.

Ho-hum.

Some people love love love PBR tall boys, some people prefer a Delerium Tremens.
I'm with this guy, it's just that all those PBR dogwater beers are so (sigh) booooring.




On the topic of alcohol, this looks amazing. Would love to make my favorite standby greyhound with Absolute Brooklyn.

Nictitation.

My god, can we make it a law that only people with the appropriate character and decorum can wink at others.

Duress.

Grey Goose has been working for months trying to figure out a way to market their product so that it gets to the people. The solution is a little too forceful and literal but, they're starting to see results. The bad news is the increase in battered tooth lawsuits.

Commiseration.

Why do they always hire these sad looking janitors at sports arenas and convention centers? Every time I visit the restroom I feel I'm in these people's way just by being there and I am making them even more miserable than they already are. When I return to my seat I no longer want to be at the event enjoying myself, cheering on the home team for making millions to toss the ball around. I feel obligated to go back and coach the janitors through the rest of their shift, they're the real ones you need to root for.

Ameliorate.

I say, ever since Dita Von Teese and Rose McGowan clocked in goth has polished up and refined itself. If only we could introduce these kind of role models to suave up the Sublime/311 bunch.

Amaurotic.

"Terribly embarrassing to have to ask but, which one of you is blind again?"

Jingoistic.

Celebrating patriotism can be a beautiful thing. Though, usually when I think of patriotic attributes I don't overhear the remark "she was so scant I could almost see up her American flag." Maybe for the founding fathers that is exactly the sound of letting freedom ring.

Occupado.

Nothing makes a metroish-whippersnapper feel more like a viking than calling a friend to grumble about the unsuitability of the facilities at the Black-eyed-peas concert.

Aberrancy.

I don't think it's a bright idea to be operating heavy machinery while hitting the sauce but, I believe an exception should be made if she has hunted, skinned, and prepared the hide of the animal to make herself a hat. If that's the case, don't let us Yankees tell you who should be drinking and driving.

Shuddersome.

Dating a creepy person must be such a bummer. All those nights waking up to him wide awake staring at you sleeping. Reports from your friends and family receiving an absurd amount of FWD'd chain letters. Vacations to vacant lots in urban areas. Phone calls of loud breathing.
I have a feeling creepy people are incredibly less forgetful than other non-creepy people.