Balance.

Is that the drummer from Blink 182? Travis Barker is it? (I had to Google it.)
I forgot about them. I think a lot of people did.
Is that his posse?
Huh,
that is kind of an interesting looking bunch.
Looks he brought a hostess gift, one pizza.
The guy holding it has a look on his face like...
"It may only be one pizza but, it does smell like Fred Durst's tears"
And everyone launches into a joyous sensation!

Imploring to.

Go ahead it's a free world, there's no pandemic going on or anything to worry about.
Just wonder around barefoot. You can afford footwear but, why? Wearing protection on your feet is so ordinary.

From way left field.

It must be a real drag when you've been together since high school and only one of you makes any real progress or change. While you were at college, out experimenting with drugs, meeting cool people, hearing new ideas, and listening to some mind-blowing music. He was back home in Littleport, working his lawn care business, saving money for the house he's going to buy for the two of you down the block from where you grew up.



Speaking of break-ups, my friend Julie and I were brainstorming ideas on how to passive-aggressively break it off with someone.
Here are the three ideas we came up with.

-Singing telegram
-Large cookie cake with message in frosting
-A t-shirt that says "it's not you, it's me"
(them wearing the t-shirt is when it all really comes together)

CT's (or those shoes that all kids are wearing)

I attended a party years ago back in Rochester, MN. It was at a house outside of town where there were bands playing in the living room, it was some sort of punk/metal music show. Obviously someones parents were out of town because you had to take your shoes off at the door. I looked to the left of the door were there was a small mountain of Chuck Taylor shoes, all of them black, different sizes and different degrees of wear and tear. All I could think was "nobody is going home with their original pair of shoes tonight". Unless, at the end of the night they sit around in a circle with the shoes in the middle and play a long drunken game of Cinderella. Except me, luckily I have never owned a pair of Chuck's, as they call them. I had worn my favorite red Reebok's, no problems.

Here's the solution. These boot-like Chuck Taylor things. For those who still want to fit in but don't have time to hunt down your pair at a party.

A small dose of tickled pink.

How badly do you need this guy to show up to your house on a rainy day? He seems like someone who a half hour into it you'd be like "Wow, I guess playing Candyland is kinda fun".

I could have gone for the stereotype and said we'd sing
karaoke all day.

Bad News Bears.

There is nothing worse than taking a second out from a totally rad dance party to check the devastating voicemail your veterinarian left you about how they did everything they could to save Tweety, your parakeet.

Oldish.

My god, how useless is the Red Hat Society these days? It seems these days middle to older aged women have so much other shit going on? I always see them biking (recumbent bikes, of course), playing golf, getting menopause, running, walking, and swimming (Cocoon). They always have every accessory or gadget possible to assist with performing that sport/activity as well. They get more exercise in a day then I get in a week but, I’m young, my body is not doing old people things yet. The Red Hat Society is supposed to be this club based on friendship or a club you join to make women friends, sounds a little too fluffy for me. I used to think the Red Hat Society ladies looked like a bunch of crazies, which they still kind of do. Now I get it though, they’re the lazy drinking crowd. They are the olding me’s with no friends and awful outfits.

Chaperon.

"Thanks for coming out tonight Aunt Traci. That's awesome you wore your old favorite party outfit that used to be your "lucky guaranteed getting laid outfit" too!"

Distasteful.

Have you ever been in the presence of bad
photography/art being made?
It's like someone broke wind. Then when you see the final
product it's like someone broke wind in your eyes.

Alaska State Motto: North to the Future

These two look like they are fresh off the Alaska boat.
I love Northern Exposure. It combined a bunch of things that seem like so much fun except for the cold environment, a moose, and a radio show host that talks too much. Other than that we have a bush pilot, a new york talk'in doctor, some old ex-astronaut crazy with a bunch of money, Shelly who used to be a high school beauty queen and a bar called The Brick. Could you ask for anything better? If I had the day off and the option to hang out in a bar with these guys, I'd be there in a heart beat AND I'd bring the sandwiches.
When reading the Wikipedia article to make sure I had my facts right I ran into this little fun fact:
"The town of Cicely is sometimes said to be within Arrowhead County, although Alaska has no counties"
Way to go writers of Northern Exposure. Had they not invented research yet in the 90's?
That show was so good until it started getting weird.
Shut up Shelly.


Sarah Palin ruined Alaska for all of us, among other things.

Happy Boston Tea Party Day! (Taxes are due day)

Well raise my rent. Look at what the Puss'n Boots dragged in. Looks like Devendra Banhart and Prince had a child and played dress up with it for eight hours. Oh what fun they must have had. I wonder if he gets to write off eyeliner and hair grooming products for his taxes.

Eyebrow enthusiasts.

All caterpillars turn into butterflies someday.

I wonder if they planned this comedy tragedy theater mask situation.

The real intent of a Justice show.

This photo was taken from a group of photos from a Justice show. I went to see Justice once. It was my now brother-in-law's idea to go and he had gotten a hold of tickets before they sold out. I didn't really know how much I wanted to go see them, I was unsure at first but said "hey, why the hell not". It was a year ago or so and I was sick with a cold or something, what's new. So, the weird thing was is I got about 15 phone calls from a variety of friends and people I had not talked to in a long time that night and the day before. They all had called and explained that they had heard that I was ill and was wondering if I was going to utilize my ticket to Justice. Some offered money that was more than the value of the ticket some just tried to talk me out of going. For a moment I felt like an auctioneer. So, in spite I decided to go to the Justice show. I danced, got sauced and noticed that a lot people making out with random people. Even a week later a friend I had seen at the show reported to me that he had made out with about 5 different people through out the night. I had thought it was just the show I attended, I guess it happens everywhere. Is that why so many people had been so determined to acquire my ticket?
I bet the "missed connections" classifieds just blow up on Craigslist the day after a Justice show.

GIRL TIME!

Drink'in G & T's. Talk'in OMG's. Boys, booze and clothes, Just hanging out. Magazines, shopping, lip balm, shoes, hearts(especially to dot an i), salads, make-up, bows, bobby pins,
pills, make believe, not eating, small round mirrors, scarves, nail polish, diet coke, diarys, malls, unicorns, emotions, emoticons, lace, vodka, vodka red bulls, cocain.
That pretty much sums up us girls.
I love how this girl on the left is actually pointing to her empty ring finger and looking surprised that there is nothing there. Also the man photo bombing in the back is like "HELLLZZZ YEah Boyeee".
I'm never surprised by people.

On the Inside.

Looks like someone wants to talk about feelings.

Beat me to the punch.

I've wanted to start a band and name it Tin Can Communication for years. I came up with that idea in 2005, ask my friend Emiliano, he'll tell you. Looks like she beat me too it, except she's using a glass and cord instead of a soup can and string. Damn it, she's even one-upping me on materials. Alright, so I can't get a band together in a matter of four years, so what.
It almost worked once, we came up with one song, once.
Alright, never mind, I give up. Maybe I should just get my interns to work on the copyrights for my ideas.
What seems to be bothering me as well is that I can't tell if she's trying to give an evil glare or if her face is like Rene Zellweger's, where it's kind of always stuck like that.
How does Rene Zellweger still get work anyhow?

How to Get Home: Notes on having a mother moment.

When I lived in Milwaukee a friend's friend came into town and had asked to stay at my house. Her and her friend were more than welcome to come and stay with my roommate and I in our upper level of a house. They came to Milwaukee to attend a concert, they also were going to partake in some Psilocybe cyanescens. I wanted them to have fun and also make a safe return. I wasn't going to let a white, dread-locked mother and her friend go missing in Milwaukee on my watch. So, I made them bracelet tags with my address on them and lamented them with packaging tape so that all they had to do was find a taxi and show their wrists to the driver. I guess I could have just written my address on their arm with a marker instead of being a Maternal Mackenzie.
Whatever, I got crafty.
I was also soused a lot.

Ruh Roh.

"I fell down the stairs. Fine. Dinner was just a little late. She only hits me because she loves me. She says she's going to stop any day now. I could leave if I wanted to. She is under so much stress at work but, she says she's never going to do it again. We're going to make it work, we really love each other."

Covetousness.

Woah, the third little sibling sighting. This little sibling is different though, this little sibling is squealing with charisma. Which means once you get to the party you immediately you loose site of him. You go the whole night with out seeing him and when you finally find him he's piling out of some crazy luxury car with a bunch of people and he's all like
"Bonjour! We just went to this bar where we hung out with Tim Curry and then we met these cowboy dudes at the bar so we drove around in the back of their pick-up truck and watched fireworks and they took us to this party at Prince's house, did you know he's got a purple pool!?, Then we were hungry so we went to this really crazy restaurant that has really good greek/indian food, you would have loved it, and the owner totally hooked us up with everything and we happened to be sitting next to J.J. Fad's table so after we after we ate we totally went to this other party with them for a while and we played music with them and it was AMAZING! Where were you?"
You then realize you've spent the whole night with the same two people discussing China's troubled international deals.